What is toxicity in the nature of a human?

Toxic

[toks-ic] ADJECTIVE

Very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.

Example- "a toxic relationship"

I'm pretty sure every single person reading this blog knows what I'm about to talk about. Toxic friends or toxic relationships or just the toxic nature of a person in general. Now, I'm just a 15-year-old teenager so I know better than to give advice but I'm just here to share my views on what I think about this topic. 

Now, when do we actually realize that a person in our life is turning toxic? It's not necessary that this only applies to peers or schoolmates. It can be any relation. But in this blog, I'll be addressing the issue as something between friends and then between partners. The biggest and probably the first sign of toxicity is when a friend starts talking shit about you behind your own back. It may be them just listing your traits in a bad light to someone or sharing your secrets with someone else whom you may or may not trust as much. The second toxic trait a person shows is when they cancel plans with you and give excuses just to hang out with someone else. This might not sound as toxic but it's still hurtful to do. There isn't anything such as jealousy in this case but the more appropriate thing to do is to give a reasonable explanation to cancel plans. Another very toxic trait is when they don't appreciate you. Or to explain this in an easier way, they point out your insecurities openly in front of people or make fun of you when you try the simplest of things in a new and fun way such as wearing glasses or fixing your hair in a different style. Another toxic trait is when your friends try to subtly shade you to try to show you in a negative light in front of other people your age or your elders or other human beings in general. I just think that's a very toxic thing to do because you are my friend, you're supposed to tell ME and educate ME about my own negative traits and not try to show it in front of other people to try to bring my confidence down. 

Another major thing that I've seen the most in toxic friendships is jealousy. Like if a third person is giving more attention to friend A then instead of talking it out or the following communication, friend B tries to blame it on friend A or that they're trying to do something or trying to look more appealing just to catch the third person's attention and I think that is extremely toxic because maybe friend A and the third person just go with the same vibe or are just able to connect in a better way. That doesn't mean they're trying to purposely exclude the friend B. And if they are purposely doing it, then that's another toxic trait and the friendship should immediately be broken off. 

Another toxic trait (probably the most common) that I've seen a lot in people, specifical teenagers, is this thing we call being two-faced. Like oh my god, the way people just quickly turn their whole personality upside down in what seems like a few moments is insane. They support one opinion coming from a person A and as soon as they realize that person B's opinion makes more sense or that more people are gonna lean towards the second opinion, it's like they turn into this whole new person to not seem shady or problematic. Either you support one opinion or you just stay out of the conversation. That's it. That's all you have to do. 

I won't talk much about toxicity in relationships from my side since I've barely seen like 10% of this world and being brutally honest, my opinion just won't be as vast and effective. But I think the most common trait in a toxic relationship (or from what I've read in books that are) is when one partner raises their hand on their partner. The first time it may be a mistake, but multiple times is a choice. (yes I did steal a quote from 'It ends with us') But for this part, I asked some of my contacts to give their opinions on what they think a toxic relationship is like, and here are some of the answers I received:

"Some of the most common red flags in a toxic relationship are extreme possessiveness over each other, controlling each other's lives (like who the other person is meeting up with or talking to, etc.) and hiding things from each other. In the present generation hiding things mostly consists of hiding who you're texting or declining a phone call as soon as your partner enters the room and basically all that stuff."

"I personally think a very common red flag which is prominent in toxic relationships is calling each other hurtful phrases or names. Or maybe using toxic slang in general. I think that's really hurtful to the other person and breaks their self-respect."

"A major sign of toxic relationship is what people call 'All take no give'. You constantly do things for your partner and care about their happiness when they clearly show no sign of reciprocation. Another red flag is giving excuses for their toxic behavior. Yeah, maybe I don't know your partner as you do but I can clearly see how negatively they're affecting you in your relationship."

"toxic relationships start with the person seeming too good to be true"

"basically summed up bullet points:

•controlling

•very nosy

•clingy

•over possessive 

•going through your phone

•breaking shit when angry

•zero communication skills

•jealous"

To be very honest, only about 5% of people can sense toxic friendships/relationships as soon as it starts. Usually, the initial realization of how toxic the other person is hit late in the friendship. And when you finally break your bond with them, you realize just how many red flags they had actually given throughout the friendship. Sometimes there are no regrets because you do feel thankful for the memories they gave you but sometimes you feel like you could've made so many better friends during your time with that one toxic friend. There aren't any particular ways or a particular list of things you should do to sense the worst in a person. The most appropriate thing to do is either sort it out with the other person or if what they did was too low for you to continue your friendship, then break the friendship off.

The most important thing in any friendship or any sort of relationship between family or friends is communication. Communication is the key. We don't realize how many misunderstandings we sort out or the number of hurtful things we make up for when we communicate with them, talk to them, text them. And personally from my point of view, talking face to face is always the better option. You're able to show your emotions more appropriately and just that you're able to express better. Staying on talking terms with the other person sorely depends on what they've done to you. If their actions were too problematic or hurtful then there's nothing better than to stay away if you wanna avoid verbal (or maybe physical, who knows) fights. But what if they did was hurtful yet moderate, then staying on talking terms or acquaintances seems like a great option. Freely and fairly, at the end of the day, it depends on the person's decision, I'm just a speaker. 

That's it for this blog! This was a much requested one and I tried to cover every opinion as best as I could, still feeling conflicted. I won't be writing for a while now since I have my exams and a shit ton of assignments to cover. Have a great day and keep yourself hydrated x.  

p.s. happy new year to you, your family, your neighbours, your pets and everyone around you. stay safe <3

*Images I've used in this blog are NOT mine. These have been taken from pinterest and I have no claim on them whatsoever. But, the content that has been written is mine. NO PLAGARISM IS ACCEPTED AT ALL. If I see my blog being published somewhere else without my watermark or permission, I won't hesitate reporting you. Please be considerate, thank you.*

- Ilaria :) ©️